If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
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remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
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