There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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