so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
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just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
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Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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