If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
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I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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