whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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