Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
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Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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