she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
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Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
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I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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