3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
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