i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was CRYING into my vagina
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
my liver is dry heaving
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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