Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
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I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
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sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
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