I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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