I forgot how hot balto sounded
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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