When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
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I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
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I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
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