Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
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