The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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