my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
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We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
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I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
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