oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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