even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize