just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
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I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
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That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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