"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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