omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
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