New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize