I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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