I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
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Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
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Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize