So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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