just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize