Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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