Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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