my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
We are all done wearing pants today
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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