We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I have aggressive nipples.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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