If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize