just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
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When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
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I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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