my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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