Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
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we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
She's the barista slut.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
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I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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