He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize