im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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