I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
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he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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