I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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