Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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