I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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