even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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