Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
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Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
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She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
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