today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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