oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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