why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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