i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
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They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
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I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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