i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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