She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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