I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
babies were throwing up all over the place
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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