I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize