I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
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